Knitting, Pregnancy, and an Olive Update

Gosh, life sure does go by fast. Here is a brief update on some of the things going on in the Atkinson household (if you care about that sort of thing.)

Knit.

I finished my third Christmas stocking. I have to admit I have been kind of feeling like I didn't like how all the colors went together. I hate that I have the ability to knit these amazing things that take me forever and then I can not like the end product! I hate that I can see finished colors or projects and know what looks good but I just don't have the vision for how things will look when I am picking out yarns! I will openly admit that I had a complete breakdown and cried for at least an hour, decided I would throw out my needles and never knit again, and then picked myself up and dusted myself off and told myself that maybe all my projects may not turn out perfectly but I do make SOME things that I do like, and in the end despite what the finished product may look like I find so much joy in the process, so it's all going to be ok! ok? 

P.S. I blame said break down to being 5 months pregnant.

I have picked another color for my next stocking but I can always knit more until I feel like I really have achieved the color scheme I want, or whatever- and I can always sell or give away the ones I am ruling out. So that is what I am telling myself for now. However, I have for the time being decided to give the stockings a break (I can still get the forth one done before Christmas) and start on a more pressing issue now that I know the sex of my baby, a blanket! I looked at lots of options and decided that I would tweak the pattern of a larger blanket and see how it turns out (cross your fingers.) I've had some successful and some not so successful attempts at altering patterns but this pattern is quite easy and it doesn't require any sizing like clothes so I should be ok. (As long as I like the colors when I'm done!)I'm basing it off this simple Martha stewart blanket pattern but a lot smaller and with multiple color blocks, wish me luck! It really shouldn't take me long so you should see the finished product soon! 

I think the yellow may be replaced with something a little less... bold.

Pregnancy.

Well here i am, 5 and a half months pregnant. I feel like I got here fast, life is just too busy for me to really have time to think about it. In general I have pretty easy pregnancies compared to a lot of women but I also have some of the same symptoms everyone else has in the first few months- impulsive vomit episodes, leg cramps, you know all that fun stuff. I have to say though with Olive my 5th month was by far the hardest and I am finding it to be the same in this pregnancy, but in a different way. I have had spells of complete exhaustion where getting out of bed and functioning seemed like the most daunting task and I have been emotional beyond compare, like crying every ten minutes (like in said knitting story.) So far I have not been the mean emotional person, you know the one that blames everything on everyone and hates the world (at least I think I'm not) but mostly just my hormones do something cray cray and all the sudden I'm in a puddles of tears with no explanation. Also in yoga class if my teacher comes by and does any sort of adjustment when I am in a pose it makes me want to cry. It's a little weird, but I think things could be worse. Besides that I am ecstatic to be having a boy! And for Olive to have a sibling and to expand our family- big changes coming in October 2014 Hooray! 

Olive.

My little Olive. She was born with such a sweet spirit and though she will definitely struggle with a Mom that can't pick her up all the time and is holding another little baby in place or her, she will definitely make such a sweet loving older sister. 

So many little things I want to remember about my Olive right now. She has changed so much and in a lot of ways it's easier and in a lot of ways it's harder. She is so much more aware and understands more, although she still doesn't really prefer to talk much. She has little phrases she likes to say like "where are you?" and "there it is!" (when she finds what she is looking for) She recently started asking "where are you going" (which made me realize how often I ask her that) and on occasion she will shock me and just say words with the accompanying sign- but then decide she doesn't want to say it again, typical :) So the words are in her brain, she doesn't really see it necessary to let them out. (And sometimes will hit my face if I try to get her to say words when she does not want to... thanks Olive.) The one thing that will always get her talking is music, she loves to sing! Recently we love Old MacDonald, the Ants go marching (in which she marches by lifting one leg much higher than the other,) and the wheels on the bus. She has always gone down for naps and bedtimes very easily but has recently started to put up some resistance. I think she has figured out that life goes on when she is in there and she is not all too happy about it. She still loves to point to things in books or outside and have me say what it is, and if we see any bird, ant, or butterfly we let out loud gasps and get very excited! She loves to have me dress up her little animals in her clothes or in toy clothes and she loves to imitate little things that I do. (Whenever she imitates my sneezes it is just about my favorite thing ever.) She is starting to be more independent but is still a total Mommy's girl, unless on occasion mommy is upset with her for something and she thinks Daddy can save her, I allow for this to happen (for now) because I think it makes her Daddy very happy. She is so adventurous and happy and I feel so beyond blessed to have her in my life. I know I'll look back and I'll want to feel that I've fully cherished everything that comes with this short period in my life, and so I try each day to do so. I love you little Olive.

More Thoughts from Israel.

I have a lot of memories and thoughts from my trip to Israel, and if you'll excuse me this might be the best place to record them since I'm not so great at writing in and keeping a journal. So here goes, here are some of the things I want to remember from my trip to Israel.

The Hubby

I want to remember how kind my husband KC was to me during this trip. I wasn't always feeling the best since I have a sensitive stomach and a drastic change in the food available to me didn't always agree with said stomach. He always asked how I was doing and was always very attentive and willing to slow down or stay back with me if I needed it. I so appreciated that. Also it was just wonderful to be with him. You marry the person you love to spend the most time with, and really in the daily grind of life you spend more of your time without them than with them. So as much as anything else on this trip I will look back with a great memory of just how lucky I am to be with a man who loves me, is kind, and who is a great husband and father.

Like, most handsome husband ever.


Olive

I am a very attached Mommy. I had never spent one night apart from my little one, so I was a little beside myself at the idea of leaving her for two weeks. It was all I could think about in the months prior to leaving (and really contemplated not even going.) The time finally came, and I had prepared myself as well as I thought I could. In the days prior and as we dropped her off at my sister-in-laws house she (my sister-in-law Erin) asked me lots of questions, from what she likes to eat, things she likes, to what helps her sleep the best. I can't even tell you how much relief and gratitude this made me feel. I realized just how lucky I am to have such wonderful family in my life, who are not only willing to take on a toddler for two weeks, but also who I trusted enough to watch my baby for two weeks! And who I knew cared so much about making her feel happy and loved. My mother-in-law also helped watch her and Olive already loved her but now when she comes over Olive just walks out the door with her like see ya Mom! Anyone else I leave her with (even Dad) will result in a complete and total meltdown- but not Grandma (there is just something special about those Grandmas!) Also the shock of going from 24 hours of Mommy hood to being completely childless had it's perks, but to be honest I just wanted my little girl and it made me realize that while of course I miss long hot showers and sleeping in till noon on Saturdays, what I would miss an infinite amount more than that is the little pitter patter of tiny feet running down the hallway followed by little giggles, kissing those chubby cheeks a million times each day, and reading that little rascal bone books and tucking her into bed with her favorite blanket. This trip helped me reflect on what I already knew, I just love being a mom.

What this lucky Mom got to come home to.

The Dead Sea

Now some stories from the actual trip. One of the things we were most excited about doing in Israel was floating in the Dead sea. It didn't disappoint. We had so much fun floating and slathering ourselves with mud (obviously we have flawless skin now.) Anyone who knows my Dad knows what a character he is, he brought goggles and was fully prepared to attempt multiple (semi-successful) dives into the sea.  My husband claimed you could not fully submerge your whole body- obviously I had to personally prove him wrong, I'm always up for a challenge (I get it from my Dad.) Kc thought it would be worse if I put the googles on because it would trap the water in by my eyes, so I went sans googles (still not sure whether this was a good idea or bad idea.) I took my very best attempt, and I think I did quite well at getting my whole body under water but the aftermath was not so pretty. Immediately when I came up I tried to "lightly brush" the water from my eyes (also not sure if this was a good idea or bad idea... Kc will claim it was bad.) Kc screamed don't touch your eyes! But once I felt the salt start to sting all I could was rub my eyes harder and harder! At this point I was blind. I absolutely could not open my eyes without being in dire pain. I will always remember Kc's voice saying "oh crap." It still makes me laugh out loud to think of it. He also muttered "you girls." I didn't know that my older sister Bethany (who has the same defiant spirit as myself) had just done what I had done minutes earlier, and had been led blindly by her husband out of the water like I was about to be by mine. Despite the stinging in my eyes it was a really good and fun memory. Lots of laughable moments happened in the process, but I did eventually make it to fresh water to rinse out my eyes and my sight was again restored. Good times.

Couldn't get the picture of him leading through the Sea, but here is the last leg of my blind journey to fresh water (Obviously I wasn't aware I was ruining this cute shot of my sisters)

Sister are the best thing in the world.

The Garden Tomb

There are a couple of different places in Jerusalem that are claimed to be the place where Christ was crucified. One of them is a garden called the Garden Tomb where you can take a tour and see the rock they call Golgotha under which is said to be where Christ was crucified. You are also able to visit his tomb and walk around inside it. They have determined it to be his tomb from the layout and the location. This garden lies outside the Old City. The other location lies inside the Old City, inside a Catholic church called the church of the Holy Sepulchre. Most catholics believe this is the true site of the crucifixion and I would say that most non-denomination christians believe the location to be in the Garden Tomb. I personally felt the spirit more in the garden tomb, but I am sure a big part of that is because the Church of the Holy Sepulchre is very touristy. In the church there is a rock which is said to be the rock where Christ was laid after being taken down from the cross, it is the first thing you see when you walk in and people are putting little trinkets and things on it for good luck. It just feels tacky to me and a little irreverent, but you know that is just how i felt- I'm sure the people doing it didn't mean it that way.  Also you have to get a in a big line to see where he was hung on the cross and people are just moved quickly through. It was hard for me personally to have a moment to stop and meditate about the things that may have happened there, in contrast in the garden tomb I was able to easily walk right into the tomb (this is mostly because they try to schedule out any groups so that everyone has an equal chance to see all the sites they provide) and I was able to sit on benches outside of the tomb in this beautiful scenic garden area which gave me time to contemplate some of the events that took place when Christ was resurrected. One of the things that struck me was Christ's first appearance in the scriptures after he was resurrected. The very first person, and in fact the only person Christ appears to before going to meet his father; is Mary. This struck me for multiple reasons. Some of you may have read my post on feminism. The fact that Christ appeared to Mary, a woman, is very poignant to me. He appeared first to the person who showed the most loyalty, love, and faith regardless of gender. Also, if Mary was Jesus's wife (which I think she may have been) it shows the significance of eternal companions. Lastly if Mary was not his wife it is still significant because Mary was a woman who does not sound to be of great stature or prestige but met christ before even any of the apostles because she was very devoted and was waiting there for him when he was resurrected and almost immediately recognized it was him once he called to her because of her great faith. "Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master." This was one of things I contemplated as I sat near the tomb, and it made me feel peace and joy to know that He lives.

Golgotha, which means place of the skull (can you see it?)

Pool of Bethesda

Wailing wall from above so the male side and a small portion of the women's side can be seen.

Lazarus's Tomb

The Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum

While there we visited the Holocaust museum. It is an enormous thing of beauty and displays an unparalleled tribute to the victims. The museum was established by the families of the many who died so unjustly, and just entering the building pierces your very soul. One of the memories I have from this museum was walking around and watching videos of some of the survivors. Each story was different, but somehow each story was just the same. A story of sadness, loss, starvation, captivity and death. You walk around and look at these pictures of death and you see all these possessions which were stolen for families who were ripped from their homes and you are almost numb to it because it is so overwhelming and you don't dare yourself to feel the gravity of what you are looking at. I was watching one particular video when I felt that wall I had unknowingly put up to protect myself slowing begin to melt away. A woman told a story of her family living in fear, and what precautions and preparations were made to prepare for inevitable tragedy. One day someone came knocking at the door. Her mother shoved her and her sister in the coat closet. Her mother had a short conversation with the men at the door which was ended with "may I get my coat." The men allowed this woman to get her coat and she showed up at the closet door. She told her children that she loved them and kissed her girls goodbye. They never saw their mother or father again. To write this and to be a mother causes a pain to my heart that I can't quite explain. That humans can come to a point that is so low is such a mystery to me- and I pray that I never become a victim of either side. Also I pray that I can live each day with gratitude because you never know what will happen in life. Things can change in the blink of an eye.


Overall Thoughts

Like I said in my last post, it would be impossible for me post all my thoughts and feelings from this amazing trip to Israel- and maybe sometime in the future I'll post some more about this trip but for now here are some of my last overall thoughts. Israel is an extremely religious country. You either see some of the most devout people you have ever met in your life or you meet people who are so sick of religion they could puke- but even these people claim a religion because over there it's more than a practice it's a culture, heritage, and a way of life. A lot of people complain about those who are atheists in a country that many consider to be founded in the name of God (United States), others cringe when they hear the thoughts of what they consider to be religious zealots. The truth of the matter is we should be so grateful that our country allows for this kind of religious range to exist and that we live where so many have died in an effort to protect these important freedoms. 
I also learned history is very important. You can ironically learn so much about yourself and what things are important for our future by studying the dedications and challenges of those long gone- but in a way always with us in everything we do and use and see and think. It's important to know people. People are good. I am very fortunate to have had this opportunity that has changed my perspectives of the world and challenged me to know God and myself better. Our most important mission here is to Love one Another. 

Masada, built by King Herod and inhabited by several other groups following his death. Look up some of the stories of Masada. It is a city built atop a huge rock mountain, it's amazing. Here I am pictured in the channels built on the sides to catch rainwater that is funneled into a small part of the cavern you can see to the right.

The birthplace of Christ in Bethlehem.

After witnessing the whole process of making yarn I am convinced I will one day shear my own sheep, naturally dye the wool with berries and herbs and make beautiful sweaters and rugs. For reals.

You're Welcome. (What I also love about this picture is that we told my dad he had to take a picture of us and were hinting why and he was like yeah, I got it haha)

This is one of caves in Petra. I didn't talk about Petra even though it was AMAZING! It's a whole city carved out of rock. We had to cross the border into the country Jordan to visit it. Maybe someday I'll talk about my experience there but here are some pictures of it anyways!

Staving cats. Don't worry my Dad did feed them but we had to be careful because they were like clawing at each other and my Dad to get at the food! 

Annoying guy ruined what would have been a very picturesque photo of this donkey, but oh well, posting it anyways- isn't she beautiful!

My Dad had to buy two of these horns, he couldn't help himself. 

Petra.

I am unable to see large amounts of rock and not climb it -it's in my DNA.

First view of Petra (you may recognize it from Indiana Jones)

The Holy Land.

Some of you may know that I spent the last couple weeks in Israel and a couple days in Jordan. We saw so many things and it would be impossible for me to include my thoughts on everything that I saw and did- but I thought I would share some highlights. (Maybe I'll do another post if you are lucky)   :)

Upon arrival of course we were sorely jet lagged- but we hit the streets running anyway (by no choice of our own) and didn't slow down the whole time we were there. I felt like we saw EVERYTHING, our schedule was so full and we were up early and to bed late. It was wonderful, but at times I'll admit it was a bit overwhelming. I have a sensitive stomach and the food didn't always sit so well with me- especially when we ate big meals and then we were thrown on buses that drove on bumpy windy roads. Despite that it will be one of the most breathtaking and memorable experiences of my life.

We saw where Christ was born, we walked where he walked, we sailed a fisherman's boat on the Sea of Galilee. I felt so grateful to be given the opportunity to experience at such a young age what most people never get to experience in their lifetime. It was almost stressful in a way because I felt so obligated to have these spiritual experiences that would change my life- and in some ways I did and in some ways I didn't. (I'll explain what I mean later.) Mostly I gained a strong foothold for having a greater understanding of things in the scriptures. It's easier to understand things that happened to these great prophets and apostles when you have stood on the hills and valleys where they preached and performed wondrous miracles.  When I read the scriptures I can envision the hill where Christ feed the multitude and I have seen where he healed the lame man by the pool of Bethesda. Having such a historical and geographical  back round to these biblical events gives you a greater understanding of the impact and significance of all the stories in the Old and New Testament. This being said- I don't want to make a very long post because I easily could. I visited so many places and learned so many things it would be impossible for me to share it all, but I will share just an experience or two that impacted me while I was there.

It was a week into the trip. We had already visited Beth Shean, Megiddo, and Mount Tabor that day. He announced that we would now drive to Tiberias to visit The Galilee Branch house owned by the church where the Church Service couple lived. We were exhausted and thought- really, do we need to go see this church house? (at least I felt that way) We arrived and walked in to meet the couple who were serving there. They are not called missionaries because the church has a strict agreement with the government that they will not have missionaries in the country, so they don't. Proselyting is illegal. The church rigidly follows this rule. You can not even answer questions that are asked of you. Instead they spend the majority of their time giving service, mostly working with people and their families who suffer from mental health. On Saturdays they conducts church, and it's often a difficult task because they have few members, some of which can not attend because it would not be safe for them. Among these few members there is at least 4 different languages and some have long distances to travel in order to attend and so often it is just a way they can all show love for each other. As Sister Fox talked about each member and their struggles and how they came to be where they were I could not help but feel the tears flowing. The spirit was so very strong, I can't explain it. And then I felt such guilt for not wanting to come and also a greater understanding for what the spirit is and how it comes to reside with us. It doesn't come from walking where jesus walked, it comes from being where he is now, where the holy ghost is, where good is, where people have a love for each other and Christ- it was palpable. I was so blessed to visit the Holy Land, but going there won't make you holier- that comes from the light of Christ which is anywhere and everywhere that we are when we are reflecting God's love. It was a beautiful and humbling experience. 

My ear piece in while intently listening to Dr. Victor Ludlow.
P.S. If you want to feel like the most ignorant person in the whole wide world talk to him about anything in the New Testament or Old Testament... or just Israel in general. He's for real.

I took a picture of every cat, bird, gecko, camel, dog... really just any animal I came in contact with- half my pictures are of animals. (Is that weird)

Stocking #2

Here is Christmas stocking number two. I picked the colors out not thinking of how they would go together (which was a little dumb of me) I was just looking at them individually for how pretty I thought they were but I think they look nicely together (minus reminding me a little bit of UW) and as I add stockings it should start to round everything out (hopefully.) I did a couple shots with both stockings and the last picture is the color of yarn I plan to do for my husband (the third stocking.) I wanted to get a color that complimented both the yellow and the purple, something a little blue-green, and I'm hoping this will look nice along side the other two. 

I used the heirloom Christmas stocking pattern from PurlBee. Look at the post I did on the yellow stocking for any other questions or details. I think there may a mistake in the pattern that I caught this time, I will see if I run into the same problem on #3. And, that's all folks :)

Happy Saturday! 

My morning hike with Olive.

Like most mothers my mornings are filled with a laundry list of things to do. Dishes, laundry, pay bills etc. Despite this I try to leave the house at some point every morning otherwise I feel like I am failing at both getting things done around my house and nurturing my child. This morning was like many others- I was folding laundry and Olive kept tugging at me to get up and play with her and I really was not feeling up to leaving the house (a.k.a. changing out of my hospital scrubs) but I just felt in my heart that is was the best thing to do. We drove up to rock canyon to take a little hike and within minutes I instantly knew why my heart had told me that being here was more important than clean socks. 

Since I only have one child I have the luxury of letting her choose the speed, she takes the lead and I follow. She started up the rocky path and we heard the most beautiful bird chirping. Olive instantly stopped in awe. It was one of those moments where you stop and think, this is life and it's so beautiful. Seeing Olive so enchanted by nature and discovery tugged at my heart in a way I can't describe. I so want her to know and love all of God's beautiful creations. To have a desire to be outside where I believe you can often find yourself and grow the very most. We looked for that bird and we found it! As it took flight Olive chased after it! We followed it's chirp as long as we could, it was so inviting. Then off we went to our next adventure. 

Rock Canyon is slowing becoming a special place to me. I feel so much peace and beauty there and have had such moments of personal reflection. Olive marched up the path, sometimes she'd sit down for 20 minutes and play with rocks and I just sat there with her. I didn't miss anything or feel that I should have been doing anything else. Often Olive would reach out for my hand, she just wanted the security that I was there following her. After we had hiked, stomped, explored, climbed, and thrown rocks to our hearts content she reached up for me. She looked at me and gave me a big hug and then she squeezed her little arms in close to my chest and laid down her head on my shoulder. It was time to go. After I got to the car I thought, I want to remember this. I want to remember how I felt and that I didn't care about anything else going on in the world and that right before my very eyes Olive was discovering the world, and in doing so discovering herself.