Life Lately.

This past week has been filled with laughter, tears, and lots of contemplation. Currently I am spending some time at my parents home in Seattle, and since I feel so relaxed and free here I felt it was a good time to jot down some of my thoughts.

Last Friday I attended the funeral of my brother-in-laws brother. I didn't know him well, but I went to support my sister whom I am close with and her husband for whom I have deep respect and love. His brother had lost his long battle with depression and mental illness and in the wake left behind his wife and five children. On the tails of the death of Robin Williams I think the world is slowly beginning to understand the damaging effects of the brain turning on itself, but I think no matter what the circumstance it's hard for people to understand things they are not experiencing themselves. Through personal experiences and a lot of deep thought over the years, I myself feel that have come to understand how painful and difficult mental illnesses are and how very real. I've learned how desperately the people plagued with them wish they could somehow fix what they often see as weakness or inability to control their emotions- and how deeply this pains them. Mental illness is so complex, and it's not something that you can measure or put a band aid over, and yet it's real. It's so real.

I think the biggest lesson I have learned, and was strongly reminded of when I attended this funeral, is that as difficult as it is for us to deal with being around someone with these issues it is infinitely more difficult for them to live in their own brains and deal with it themselves. They would give anything to be or feel something different. It's not something they have control over and I think this is an aspect for which we can all try to understand and show compassion, because we all have things in our lives that we can't control. 

To be honest I didn't really want to attend the funeral because I had already been an emotional wreck for most of my pregnancy, and I knew it would be so hard to sit and listen to friends and family speak of a man they loved so dearly and to see pain and anguish on all their faces. And while the tears I shed there left me with a pounding headache, I was also so grateful to have heard about his beautiful life and to be reminded that we are all human and we are all good, and we all struggle. This man was so so good. He deserved to be honored and to have his story told in a way he could not tell it himself. I felt that the mark of his struggle left little in comparison to all the wonderful things he did. It felt good and right to be there, and I left with such a strong desire to see the world and those around me through more sympathetic glasses. We can not know everyone's struggles, but we can be kind to one another. We can try not to be harsh to others who seem harsh to us, we just don't know what people are going through- so be kind and show love and mercy. Forgive of those around you what we would want to be forgiven of yourselves. This is what God hoped for us to do.

The rest of the weekend was filled with festivities and fun because My husband turned the big 3-0. I decided it as an appropriate year to throw him a little shin-dig and invite all his old close friends. Being the typically overzealous person that I am (seriously working on this problem) I made fresh salsa, guacamole, pico de gallo, salad, 2 homemade pizzas from scratch, and two homemade cakes from scratch (whew!) All the food turned out really well, but I don't think the boys needed so much food! (I don't have any pictures of the party because I was was to preoccupied with everything else... typical.) Luckily Greg, kc's brother (who I absolutely adore,) surprised all of us and came into town and we had a big party at his parents the next day and polished off the leftovers! I felt bad we didn't know Greg was coming and were scheduled to come to Seattle a couple days later, but we had some good conversations and quality time together before he left, which I always try to sneak in with Greg when he's around. Here are some pictures of what we've been up to lately- and I'm sure you'll get an update after we leave Washington! There's always lots of exciting things to share when we get home. :)

I canned my first set of tomatoes, here is the before and after. My mom is an EXPERT canner but I never learned the trade secrets from her so I had my momther-in-law come help! My husband helped a lot too and with the three of us we were a little tomato canning factory with lots of sorting, boiling, peeling, and chopping! It was a success and the second picture is the result! Look at those colorful jars! 

Little Olive gets to open a bag of popcorn on almost every grocery trip! It makes both her and I two happy campers.

And Then I woke up from a nap with this in my living room! Mother-in-laws rock! We rearranged our whole living room to accommodate this new piece of furniture (and I think I am quite happy with it.) Hope Olive like taking piano lessons :)

Spent some time in Heber over labor day weekend. We hit up Swiss days, Olive ran wild with her cousin Callie, we took little walks around a lake and made a big bonfire for smores, and as you can tell from the picture above Olive took lots of advantage of all the treats that were frequently left on the kitchen counters. It was everything a holiday weekend should be.

Olive taking full advantage of Greg. We showed him all her favorite things to do at the library.

Lazy summer days under our favorite tree in our front yard, frequent trips to the aquarium, and a 32 week baby belly shadow. Summer we'll keep drinking in every last drop you give us.

Here Comes Baby Boy.

Here are the rest of the pictures from my shoot with Bill Carlson in Hawaii. It was just Olive and I and although it's beautiful at the beach it's a little tricky to shoot there because all that Olive wanted to do was play in the water. She doesn't quite get the idea of a photograph yet, which I love because every moment with her caught on camera is so genuine and real- but it makes it a little difficult to get her to stand still for more than one second. I love what Bill was able to capture of her sweet and fun little personality. 

I am starting to mentally process the fact that I am going to have another child. I'm not worried about loving this child and I'm not worried about it being too overwhelming because I just already know it will be hard. I know Olive will get jealous and will want me to hold her and it will be frustrating for her and me to feel like I can't give her the attention she wants or is used to, but with that comes a wonderful new sibling that I know Olive is ready for. She needs someone besides me to play along side, and a brother is someone who can experience life in a way that I can't experience it with her. Olive is so kind and I know she will grow to love her new little brother so much (but she did recently learn the word "mine" so she will at least be able to keep him check.)

As for me I am starting to get really excited. It's only a couple months away, which I know is just going to FLY BY! I feel so big and things are getting so difficult so I'm definitely starting to get to that "get this outta me" stage. I can't wait to hold his tiny tiners and kiss him and nurse him. I already feel like I am holding him and cuddling him all the time because he is so active and present with me. I can't wait to take lots of time off work (maybe not go back at all) and stay at home with the enchanting fall weather and bake bread, and cook dinners, and snuggle my little ones, and go on little walks with the family. Yep, I'm ready for you now baby (mostly because I bought matching beanies for Olive and baby the other day- so it kind of feels official now.)

 

 

 

Summer to Fall Garden Recipes.

Both my parents grew up on farms (my father a turkey farm and my mother a dairy farm,) so backyard to kitchen table was big part of how they were raised. Although my father chose to become a patent attorney instead of a farmer, my parents felt it was important to incorporate a lot of the wonderful things they learned in their homes growing up into the home they cultivated in the Seattle area. For this reason my dad commutes to the city so they could purchase a piece of land that would give them the ability to own horses, chickens, turkeys, and many other animals. They also had a strong desire to grow a large garden including raspberries, fruit trees, and all kinds of delicious vegetables. 

Upon reflection I am embarrassed to say that while growing up I didn't appreciate or learn as much as I could have from the vast knowledge my parents had to offer. It did however instill in me the value that comes with anything homegrown, and I try as much as I can to incorporate this into my own life. (This includes frequent phone calls to both my parents for guidance... I called my mom about something this morning.) 

One thing I have learned in this process is that you learn by doing and you will have lots of failures, but also lots of successes! Don't stop trying! My mom often reminds me that with all her experience she still has things in her garden that don't turn out and she is constantly trying to learn new and better methods. So here are a few of our (well mostly my husband because I'll be honest, my husband does most of the gardening- but I think it's only fair since I do most the cooking!)gardening tips  and some of my favorite recipes!

Garden Tips:

Start small! Growing one potted tomato plant is a good place to start and it will give you plenty of produce!

Measure by your successes and not your failures, and learn from what you did wrong and if you have one thing that turns out, then you've had success! Often times when doing things such a cooking I like to make the mistakes in the beginning so I know what I always need to be cautious of in the future. If I get it right on the first try, I don't know what it was I did right!

Prune your plants. At first it was painful to tear off potential tomatoes from my plants- but what you learn is that you will have an over abundance of lower quality vegetables rather than a manageable amount of delicious produce! Each plant has a different pruning technique so do research on what you have in your garden.

Keep trimming your herbs and buy smart. There can be a few things in your garden that are not worth the effort and money for the cost you can buy them at the store. One of them is cilantro and another one is corn. Cilantro and corn are so cheap it is often not worth putting energy into, but if you want to by all means go ahead! On the other hand things such as basil will cost the same to buy a plant as when you buy a small package in the store. It is most definitely worth the investment because it will keep growing all summer long! And trim trim trim. Sounds crazy but the more you trim the more you will get! It will grow back so fast and if you let it grow too long it will flower and stop growing, or the plant will grow too large to maintain itself and it will lose it's flavor. Each herb has a different pruning technique, although most often you can cut right where you see two small leaves budding out at a base. With other herbs such as thyme, rosemary, or parsley you can just trim them to the bottom leaving a few leaves or a small base. Do your research to be sure of what you are doing, but it's hard to mess up. 

Lastly, grow what you will want to eat and just relax! Gardens have an ability to thrive on their own, and it will surprise you often times how little work they require and sometimes it's the overwork and the overwater that due them in. Make sure you have enough sunlight and good soil and water often (but not TOO much) and your garden will do the rest. If you have the desire you can turn any patch of dirt into a garden (or even scatter your apartment balcony with pots.) Kc and I don't have a large backyard so we tore up a piece of front yard and went to work and we are so happy with it! 
Ok, enough about that- here are some of the recipes I use all summer for my quick garden-to-table meals. Also you can buy the necessary ingredients from the store, they are still good that way (mostly) :).




Recipes

OK, so here are some of my favorite recipes, new and old. I did a post a year ago with some tomato recipes and you can find those here. Last week I made the "don't come to dinner without this salad," the salsa, and the minestrone soup that you can find in a link at the bottom of that page, or here. I've made that orzo salad tons this summer with my sun sweet cherry tomatoes and I've yet to make the Healthy butternut squash stew since I am waiting for it to be a little cooler- but trust me I will! All these recipes are easy, healthy, and delicious and will be staples in my home for years to come. Also, in that post I think I just found a generic recipe for Margherita pizza so I will post a current link for the recipe I use the most now. 

New Tomato Recipes 

Spinach Ranch Pizza

(or in other words, the dough I use for my Margherita pizza)

The actual recipe for the pizza is also amazing with the ranch, spinach, and onion and don't feel like you have to use whole wheat in the dough, it is good with white or wheat. Mostly I just think the honey in the dough makes it taste so good! I've seen other variations with brown sugar, but I think honey is the best.

OK, for my Margherita pizza I spread pesto sauce on the rolled out dough (sometimes it works better to cook the dough for about 3 to 5 minutes first), you can make your own pesto or buy it from Costco (that's where I always get mine, it's so good!) I personally thinks it makes a WORLD of difference if you can use an heirloom such as brandywine for your pizza. It makes the tomatoes so tender and flavorful with each bite- but you don't have to (just my personal preference.) Do a layer of tomatoes, I like to cut my heirlooms nice and thick but other kinds I may cut a little thiner so they cook down better. Then add a layer of Mozzarella cheese. Don't feel like you need to buy the expensive kind because sometimes it doesn't melt as well with all the moisture and you get great flavor from both. Lastly, right when you pull it out of the oven throw your fresh cut basil on top and you'll be in heaven. I made this pizza four times in a row- it was that good!

Hearty Italian Soup

This soup is SOO good in the fall and it's really easy- everyone I make it for gobbles it up (including myself.) I often leave the meat out of recipes because I am not a huge meat eater- but the sausage just makes the soup so you can't leave it out! Chop up those garden tomatoes (any kind) and throw them in! SO good!

Caprese 

You don't need a recipe for this one but do need fresh high quality ingredients. Use your heirlooms for these, it makes them a thousand times better. Also use fresh mozzarella- the kind you see still sitting in the liquid at the store.

Sliced tomato, slice of mozzarella, drizzled olive oil, salt and pepper, and topped with some fresh cut basil. Some people (like my husband) like to add balsamic vinegar- so add that if you like- I myself like it with just oil. Enjoy!

This next recipe is a bread that is so good and so easy. What I love is that you can make it the night before because if you are like me that is your only free time! It only takes 3 simple ingredients and you can add whatever you want to it. 

Crusty Bread

To mine I like to add different herbs and cheeses. Parmesan and cheddar are really good and rosemary is my favorite herb to add. 

What I love about this bread and all these recipes are that sometimes you read things or watch shows and cooking can be so overwhelming- but it doesn't have to be complicated to be good! Often times the simplest things are the most delicious!

Lastly I made jam for the first time this year! My neighbors were giving away lots of apricots so I thought I would try my luck! I used this basic recipe, but with a little less sugar and added fresh thyme and lavender. I liked the thyme a lot more- but I think I added too much lavender and didn't separate the flower enough so it ended up having a slight woody flavor, but it was still good! I will experiment more next year so I can get it right. I added it after I had already cooked the jam directly after I turned off the heat. This seemed to get the best fresh flavor so the herbs didn't cook down. Now my plums are turning and I am going to try my luck at a chili or habanero plum jam. Wish me luck! I'm also hoping to find a good Bruschetta recipe- I'll share it with you when I do! Hope some of these recipes work out for you, Happy Cooking!

After 5 years.

      Kc and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on the 12th of August. It is such a landmark year and has really caused me to look back and reflect on my marriage and things I can do to improve and be better. Kc and I are really happy right now and we have a great marriage, but I think marriage is something that you should never stop working on or trying to improve because I think that in the moment you do that's when everything starts to die without you realizing it and you wake up one day unhappily married and wondering how it is that you got there.

     I had a conversation with a friend a while ago and she asked me if I had had any struggles in my marriage. I said of course! No one has a perfect marriage, and lots of people have struggles. Struggle is part of marriage and part of life and our journey to become a better person and learn more about ourselves and the person we love. I don't claim to be an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination and everyone's journey is so different, but I thought it might help if I shared some of my experiences as a reminder for myself and with the possibility that it may help others who have doubts or feel unsettled and wonder, is this normal?

      
       I met my husband while working at an Italian restaurant in downtown Provo. I thought he was one of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen and was really quite shocked when he showed interest in me. Mostly because I was somewhat of a hippie who never wore makeup and had current ambitions of joining the peace corps when I graduated from college. In retrospect I think that is what attracted him to me because I was different from any of the girls he had dated previously. We fell in love quickly, fast and hard. The kind of love where you want to be with that person every waking moment. There was of course also some issues from the very beginning. I was loud, talkative, social, and adventurous. Kc was soft spoken, reserved, and enjoyed being alone with me more often than going to a social gathering. We overlooked these issues though because young love is the  most reckless and carefree kind of love. I always say that you have a "type" until you meet a certain someone and they don't fit any of your criteria and you just love them madly anyways.

               We decided we wanted to get married after dating for about 9 or 10 months, but we were young and life took it's course which led to a 2 year long courtship. We had lots of ups and downs and broke up multiple times during this period. It's easier to walk away when you have problems when you aren't fully committed to each other. It's interesting to look back because during those trials I learned the very most about Kc and who he was as a person and how he came to do or say some of the things he did. I also learned that he loved me very much and he didn't want to walk away. He wanted to be married to me.

       After we got engaged we were so happy and giddy. We couldn't wait to be married. On our wedding day I felt so in love and that what I was doing was right. After our honeymoon we returned home and real life set in. I'm not sure how long, maybe 6 months, but after some time things got hard. I couldn't even really tell you a specific reason why, I think it was a combination of a lot of things. I think learning to live and completely share your life with someone is hard. I think I had certain unrealistic expectations. I think kc and I didn't (and still kind of don't) communicate in the same way. The later reason made things the most difficult because all your trials and frustrations are that much harder if you can't communicate with each other. 

               And so it went. And I began to question everything I felt so certain of- I felt I had made the wrong decision. I thought I should have married someone who was more this or that, and really I found myself starting on the slippery slope of falling out of love with my husband. It scared me. I didn't want to be one of those women who was trapped in a loveless marriage, and yet this was a man who I had loved so deeply and completely. How could this have happened? I decided to talk to my husband, and to make a change. 

     It started with a conversation. We both expressed that we were not happy with how things were, and that we wanted them to change. We both agreed that communication was key, and that we would have to overcome this obstacle. Most importantly we expressed that we both still loved each other, and wanted to be married to one another. 

             Things didn't change over night. Like all matters of the heart it took time and a lot of patience and dedication til one day you wake up and you forget that it was ever so bad, and it seems a distant memory. I did this by turning my heart towards Kc. I did this by giving him (and myself) lots of allowance and room for error and to forgive on another. I asked what his needs were, what it was that he needed from our relationship, and I told him the things I needed. I started to be kinder to him and found that my kindness was returned 10 fold. It's ironic but through these trails I learned what real love was, and I learned so much more about who my husband really was and how I could be a positive influence in his life and a force for good. 

              After 5 years of marriage I can truly say I am happier than I have ever been, and I am grateful for those difficult times because it made my husband and I so much closer to each other and we learned those difficult lessons early on so we could know how to manage other trials that will undoubtedly lie ahead. I see lots of people struggle with their marriages and go through devastating divorces and I don't judge them because I haven't walked a mile in their shoes, but I did want to share my story and say that for most of us if we want to make our marriage work, it can work! In the end it takes both, but in the beginning it just takes one to make the effort and show you really care and love that person. 

                   
       Walking away may sound easy when you are struggling, but the struggle doesn't go away when he/she does. Divorce is devastating and  can have effects that will last your whole lifetime. Most often you will find greater happiness from fixing your marriage than you will from walking away. I guarantee you will have trials no matter who you marry, the grass is always greener on the other side, but every human is flawed and if you marry someone completely different from your first spouse you are just swapping out one struggle for another. And maybe you'll never have any trails as difficult as I did, or possibly you will experience even greater struggles- ones I couldn't even imagine or understand. Possibly hard times won't hit you til year 5 or 10 or 15, but be prepared when it does. Always be willing to make changes to strengthen your marriage. It is so worth it. Every day when my husband comes home and my beautiful daughter runs up to him and yells Daddy and we look at each other and smile- it's so beyond worth it. 

               Kimo is a great man. He's kind and tender hearted, and has the patience I dream about. He's hard working and dedicated. He loves to help others, his eyes light up when someone asks him a question and he gets a chance to show them something he loves to do. He's appreciative. Most mornings I make him breakfast because I think it's those small acts of kindness that make a good marriage, and yet he never expects it and always shows such genuine gratitude that after a hard morning shift the first thing I do when I get home is make him and Olive something to eat. He never expects me to have everything in perfect order or have dinner made, and he never complains or seems bothered when I have been wearing the same pair of sweats for the past three days and putting my hair up in the same messy bun. He'll paint a wall and then repaint it when I change my mind (multiple times) and never complains (maybe just teases me a little.) He's always willing to watch Olive when I need a break. He is honest and he always sees the good in people. 

I am very lucky to have found him.

            This is my marriage story.

 Maybe it helps some of you, and maybe it doesn't- but it was a story I wanted to tell. Something I felt was important to remember.
In truth- marriage is hard, but oh the joy it brings your soul.

Allowing myself some liberties.

 Bearing down on my 3rd trimester and things are starting to get real. I already knew being pregnant was hard, but I am learning that being pregnant and taking care of a toddler is harder. Harder than that is being pregnant, taking care of a toddler, and working. 

Up til pretty recently I have chosen to ignore my pregnancy (in the sense of it being a crutch) and live my life as I would normally. Travel abroad, go surfing, kick up into handstands in yoga. But this growing belly of mine is slowing putting a halt on all that fun stuff, and I'm trying to get a grip on that. I fear that I often let my pride get in the way of just taking care of myself. With my last pregnancy I quit yoga around this time because I just couldn't handle going to class and not being able to do everything. I am trying to take a different approach this time and just tell myself that it's OK if I can't do everything while being 7 months pregnant, but these mind tricks are not working so far. I've lost my ability to hold a handstand for a bit now and today I was frustrated and angry and I just thought- let it go. I did one more kick and held my first handstand in what has felt like forever. It wasn't about my ability to hold or not hold this stupid non significant inversion, it was that I truly decided to let it go in that moment and not feel so much pressure on myself. I have decided to make this the theme of the rest of my pregnancy. (We'll see how well that goes.) 

I am going through another bout of uncontrollable emotion. (I had one a couple months ago as well.) I'm not mean or impatient, just quick to judge myself over petty things and this results in a good cry session over a fudge bar on my back stoop. I will also cry if any one shows any sort of emotion, or emotional videos, or gives me any adjustment in yoga. I most certainly did cry in shavasana today after the instructor massaged my feet. No joke. My whole point of this is, pregnancy is hard on women. We are freaking making other humans, jeez! And those humans take all our necessary vitamins from us, and kick us, and makes us have to pee all the time, and just release all kinds of hormones into our system. And it's OK if that affects us. It's OK if that affects me. Today I am accepting that I'm human, I'm flawed, and I'm not invincible to the effects of pregnancy. OK? OK.

These Photos were taken by the talented Bill Carlson. I will post more from this shoot in the near future.

If you are ever in Hawaii and need a photographer you must call him!

WilliamScottCarlson.com

Family Photos.

While in Hawaii we had some pictures taken of the whole family. Really it's a miracle that we got ANY photos of Olive smiling because she was not into it. She doesn't do the whole pose thing yet, so you have to get her on the go and she wasn't in the best of moods. We let her climb a tree in hopes we could catch her in her element (which I think make the best pictures anyways.) 

Here they are along with a few of my favorites from the whole bunch. 

My husband is so handsome.

See what I mean. 

I still love this picture anyways, in spite of Olive looking at me off camera like "why are you making me do this, I just want you to hold me!" 

I love Olive's red hair and blue eyes in this picture next to Penny's beautiful curly blonde hair and stoic look. 

Sweet penny tried to help keep Olive in position for a lot of these pictures, and while it really didn't work all too well I love that she did that. I love to see all the cousins form relationships.

Little June couldn't be more perfect here. I love her. 

The older I get the more I just love beautiful clean white milky skin. I actually hate how tan and dark and splotchy my skin looks in a lot of these pictures, while those that were more diligent with their sunscreen look so beautiful and pure and you can see more of who they are through their features. (I know Callie won't agree with me on this, sorry Cal, but that's how I feel.)

When I look at this picture I can feel and see Haylee and how loving and forgiving she is, and for that reason I love this picture. 

(Besides the fact that she looks so beautiful.) 

This picture makes me happy. 

I see so much of the boys in Scott and the girls in Mary. I was thinking about these two and I was thinking I am surprised they even still have a house because they are just the most giving people I know, each in their own way. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

Doesn't this make you smile.

In all the group pictures I felt myself being drawn to look at Erin (the mom in the white shirt on the top left.) She just seems to beam in every picture and she looks so happy. It reflects so much how she really is; she sees the good in everyone and always tries to be a better version of her already amazing self. Every time I am around her I find myself just wishing I could be more like her. 

And that's my wonderful family.