Too Long

It's been way too long since I've done a post. I've wanted to so many times because we've been doing so much, at the same time life has been way too overwhelming lately! I think I will have break it up into incriments because I also have a few new knitting projects that I have completed that I would love to dedicate an entire post. For now I simply have to do an Olive, and now Elijah, Update! 

Olive

Oh my little miss Olive, she has grown SO MUCH! I think every little kid at some point or another has an obsession with some book, show, toy, superhero, princess, what have you. As of late Olive has manifested what will surely be her childhood obsession for quite some time. DINOSAURS. I think this is one for lots of kids, I know my little brother and nephew were both completely enthralled with dinosaurs, I mean they are really cool! I am learning so much about them from all the books, shows, and you tube videos we have been watching- it's so fun to learn together! I think kids are just going to like what they are going to like! For a bit I couldn't remember what got Olive hooked on dinosaurs, because it seemed that once she liked them I would take to her to any dinosaur thing that I saw, but a couple weeks ago I was at the library and one of the books I saw triggered my memory. Olive and I generally go to the library every week, check out tons of books, and then return them the next week. I would always just grab random piles in the bins in the children's section. One time I grabbed a little dinosaur board book, it really was't even that interesting, it just had some picture of dinosaurs and their names. I read her that book at night like I read all her books. I went through the pictures and told her the names, and I don't know but that was it! She just wanted me to read that book over and over. When we went to return it the next week (I let Olive return all the books herself in the bin because she loves it) I handed her that book to return, she looked at it and said no mom, ha.  This was the first time she wouldn't let me return a book. So we renewed that book as long as we could, and may have had a minor melt down when we had reached our limit on the checkouts! From then on it was Dinosaur this and dinosaur that! She never really cared to watch the same show over and over, kc and I would talk about how funny it was that she wasn't attached to any one show, until dinosaur train. Once we discovered dinosaur train it's been the only thing on in our house ever since! Good thing I love it too, otherwise I'd shoot myself haha. They really need to come out with soundtrack, we already know all the songs by heart and we all often walk around singing out "dinosaur train, dinosaur train, I'm gonna riiiiiiddddeee the dinosaur train." Besides that she is still Olive. Still gentle, loving, adventurous, fearless and very sweet and sensitive.  She is learning that  not everyone is nice all the time and I wish I could explain to her why but I don't know the answer myself, so I'm trying to teach her that it's ok and to be independent and strong and kind to others in spite of it because I won't always be right next to her to wrap her in my arms (even though I wish I could.)

Elijah

Little Elijah is all smiles and giggles and content to just sit on the couch or in his bumbo and just observe all the chaos around him. He just goes with the flow. He's been such a good baby, and it is so fun the second time around because I feel so much more relaxed about everything. He has the strongest little abs, and would sit in the crunch position for longer than I think I can! He is 6 months old in a week and he just started sitting yesterday! I love having a little boy and Olive couldn't be a better older sister for one. Can't wait to see his personality as he grows. 

Overall

I'm an on-the-go Mom. Being at home too much makes me so stir crazy! But lately things have slowed down around here. Working these early hours and getting up multiple times at night is really taking it's toll on me. Olive who never had so much as a runny nose til she was two has been sick with one thing after another, just like Elijah and I. Dealing with sick children, especially if you don't feel good yourself, is just something else. By far the hardest days of motherhood. So we've been laying low and staying home a lot, and it's been kind of nice, and my house has stayed pretty clean because of it so that's a plus ha. Olive is old enough now that if I need to lay down for a bit and rest with Elijah she is happy to play in her room with her animals or dinosaurs. I'm so grateful for her and the kindness she always shows to me. We started to get adventurous again. Yesterday Olive did her first canter on a horse! I love hearing and seeing her exhilaration with new things. Next week I am going to take her rock climbing at the quarry because she loves to try to climb the wall at Provo Rec, and she is pretty good! She will be so cute in little rock climbing shoes and a harness. In the morning I often ask Olive what she would like to do for that day, and if I am up for it, we do it. She most often says one out of three things, I want to go to the dinosaur museum. I want to go see some animals, or I want to play with Callie. And the zoo is going to have a bunch of dinosaurs for the summer which they are calling Zoorassic Park which we are going to visit with Callie on Friday, so basically we can set up camp and live there. If things keep feeling too hard I might need to reevaluate if working this shift is the right thing for me right now, I'm trying to hold out until Elijah is done nursing at night, hopefully only a few more months, but I'm also praying that when it's time to move on from it, I'll know it. So that's our life lately, hopefully I'll do a post sooner rather than later so that I can remember these small details of my life. It will all pass so quickly. 

Update Through Pictures

Out of the blue my cousin's wife called us up and asked us if we wanted Maybe, the dog that we watched for 6 months or so. I was really taken aback because I had kind of made up my mind that I didn't want a dog for a few years so that my kids could grow up with the dog through their teen years. I called kc and he said yes, of course we want her, and I knew he was right, we love her so much! The second she showed up Olive's heart grew 10 sizes, she just lived for Maybe to interact with her in any way. She has since calmed down a bit, but she still sometimes tries to lock Maybe in her room with her or locks her in a giant bear hug to the point where I think she is going to choke her to death. Mostly we just love having her around, when she lays behind the rocking chair when I nurse Elijah, sits by Olive's bed as I read to her at night, or gets up with me a 4 am in the morning when I go to work. She just makes our family complete. 

What life looks like around here most the time.

Olive insisted on doing dog duty/doody. I'm sure she won't want to do it when she is actually old enough to, but I appreciated the thought anyways. 

What we do when we are sick/bored at home. Put peanut butter on our bellies and let Maybe lick it off.

Kc and I met up with his sister and her family at Goblin Valley and went camping for one night. I had wanted to go last year but was never able to make it work. It was so fun and Olive went around and we pretended some of the rocks we found were dinosaur bones, but there really is a dinosaur quarry nearby so we need to take her! It was the first time we had taken Olive and Elijah camping and it was so fun! Olive slept through the whole night, which was a shock to us, but I think it was mostly because she was so sleep deprived. Can't wait to go again! 

You know I can't help myself. It's so fun! 

Messy haired morning sleepy eyed kids make me happy.

Sick blue-eyed babes drink healthy smoothies and watch dinosaur train.

One advantage of being stuck at home I had more time to tidy up my house, which isn't normally a big priority for me (why spend time cleaning when you could be out having fun with your cute two year old?) but while cleaning I turn the corner and catch this cute babe with her dinosaurs lined up to board the dinosaur train. She's too much.

Olive has started swim lessons. She doesn't love getting her head dunked in the water, but she does love it when I let her take her dinosaurs to throw them in the water so I can dive in a fetch them for her. The second picture is what happens when you still need naps you wont take, you fall asleep on your way to swim class mid egg.

This picture makes me think of child hood. Waiting til your mom is done so you can lick the spoon. Double fisting it.

Rock climbing wall at Provo Rec. Can't wait to take Olive this week to the quarry and put her in a little harness and shoes. She will love it!

Olive and her cousin Callie. Best friends these two.

Pi Day.

My sister moved here from Washington and so now all my sisters that have kids live here, it's going to be one big party!

That one random snow day in April.

Olive and I went up to my sister-in-law's and her sister was kind enough to saddle up and let us ride her horse. I was feeling bold so I took Olive for a little run on the horse in a small circle. It was so exhilarating and we both loved it.

Easter! I loved doing a basket for her this year. 

Elijah finally met his cousin Ezekiel, but he wasn't too sure about him being all up in his space :)

Baby Elijah sitting for the first time!

And you know, that's life lately!

My Dad and Baby Elijah

A week a half ago we had a party for my Dad's 60th birthday. As his birthday gift we had collected over 60 letters from his friends, family, and colleagues. It was so wonderful to read all these things people had written about my dad from all aspects of his life. It just reiterated what I already knew about my Dad; that he is crazy, intelligent, full of endless energy, spiritual, giving, and unlike anyone you will ever meet your life- I promise you that. Upon re-reading what I wrote for my Dad I felt like I left so much out! How wonderful he is to my Mom, how much time he gives to those around, that he will always help anyone he sees on the side of the road, that he is always trying to better himself. Oh man, I feel like I could go on forever, I just look up to him so much! He works harder than anyone I know and he has a good heart and a clean conscious. He is always honest. Here is what I wrote about my dad for the book.

"My Dad. I think one of my friends said best about my dad what I’ve always felt about him, that is he someone who you can never imagine aging or growing old in any way. Someone who seems like he will just live on forever. My Dad embodies a spirit that is larger than life, and as an adult I reflect often on the many things he did and still does and wonder, how? How does he do it? I also think often of my Mom dating and marrying this person and really not knowing what her life held for her. The memories I have of my Dad most often are filled with adventure, but also intellectual conversations and at times deep spiritual emotion. My dad has so many facets to him and most of all I learn from him to never be idle and live an honest, full, and balanced life. I’ve never really felt limited by anything because my Dad just believed that all of us would do great things.

            My Dad would read to us as children. I have vivid memories of laying on the top bunk, my sister Ellen on the bottom, and Dad narrating The Chronicles of Narnia with such excitement. We were completely enthralled by it. My Dad had 6 girls and since I am sure he would rather have had 6 sons, he decided to treat us like his sons anyways, and the little tomboy in me really appreciated that.  I remember he took us on a scouting trip with the some older boys. My sister Ellen and I wore some of his old wool camping shirts and pants and just like all the older scouts we hiked 7 miles in the sand to a lighthouse. As little girls we had so much fun jumping on driftwood, and it never occurred to me that we were doing something hard because my dad treated us like we could do everything those older boys were doing. Ive kept that faith in myself all throughout my life, and I credit that to my Dad.

            My dad has endless energy, and a moment to help someone or teach is never lost on him. My friends and I wanted to go canoeing at Lake Washington. My dad told us 16-year-old girls, well why don’t you just tie this canoe to the suburban and drive in there yourselves. He took the time to teach us the proper knots to use (one is always required to display proper knot skills in front of my Dad) and sent us on our way. My friends and I still talk about the memory of how fun that was and how funny these young girls looked driving with this big canoe on the freeway and then having to figure out how to lift it off the car and get it to the ocean ourselves. It was great.

            My Dad would make up all kinds of games and play them with us for hours. Make a break for it was the most popular. We'd have to get our stuffed animals from one couch to another across the room and he’d try to catch us in the middle. If he caught us we had to return our animal and try again. Oh we loved that game so much. My dad had no problem rearranging anything to accommodate some idea we had, and I have no memory of how tidy our house looked because it didn’t matter to us kids, we just wanted to have fun, and Dad (and Mom) always let us. I think my Dad worked a lot growing up, but I can’t really remember because when he came home he was so involved in our lives that he always seemed to be present to me. We lived in an area where people didn't really have eight kids. Despite the fact that my dad was very proud it, I felt like we got judged a lot for being a little crazy and irresponsible. People didn't have eight kids, they had one or two, but from what I observed around me growing up I am confident in saying we got just as much interaction and attention from our parents (if not more) than my friends who only had one or two siblings.  He would often commit to coaching one of our soccer teams, and if he said he would do it he was always there which I’m sure was really hard for him commuting from Seattle and having so much work to do. He always made sure he had his priorities.

            My Dad has always been a spiritual beacon for me. He has said a lot of things that have really impacted my life, and the level of spiritual devotion I witnessed as I watched him throughout my childhood and into adulthood will never leave me. He has always been someone that practiced what he preached. He always had us say family prayers and kept the Sabbath day Holy. He was always honest with his fellow men and with God. He cares more about doing what is right than being right, this is one of the qualities I admire the very most in my Dad and made him someone that I look to for answers. I know that besides the fact that is brilliant, he has looked at all angles and tried to come to an honest conclusion of what he think is right. He has also never let intellectualism get in the way of spirituality, which is something you often witness in the world today and he isn’t afraid or embarrassed to admit when he was wrong. I remember not too long ago my Dad read me a story in a Science magazine that he subscribes to; it was written by a man who had been an atheist all his life. The story was about a spiritual experience that he had had that he could not deny. My dad was so stirred by this story that as he read it to me he started to cry, I have always been so moved when my dad shares his spiritual experiences and emotions with me.

            My Dad has helped to strengthen my testimony so much over the years. I have never been afraid to go to him with my thoughts because I know he will honestly discuss them with me instead of brushing them aside.  I never felt that if I left the church that is would be something that my Dad would socially be embarrassed about (which is often the case in the culture we live in,) but that I would be losing something that would bless me for all eternity. I had a conversation with he and my mother one summer on a break home for college. I remember it very well. We went out to the motorhome to have some privacy and I vocalized that I was struggling with the church because I felt that church members were sometimes hypocritical, often judgmental, and in my eyes not always true followers of God. Dad said that I was right, and there would always be people like that but you are not a member of the church because of the people in it and what they do, you are a member because of the doctrine and principles of the church and if you don’t believe in those then you can leave, but what the people in the church do should never determine your standing. From then on I have never been bothered by behavior of members and always felt it was more important to gain a strong understanding and testimony of the scriptures and doctrine of the church.

            My Dad is unlike anyone else in this world and he has taught me so much and shaped me into the person I am today. I’ve incorporated so many things  he did with me in my childhood into my home. Just this morning Olive and I were playing the game where I put her on my feet and have her try to grab the pillow from behind my head. Nothing makes her laugh harder. She also loves to try to stand on my feet. She thinks I am such a fun adventurous Mom and when she gets older I’ll have to tell her I learned it from my Dad. I love you so much Dad. No one could ever replace you."

So many memories. Such a wonderful Dad.

We also blessed our little baby Elijah that Sunday. It was wonderful to have most of our family there. Here are some of the things that Kc said in his blessing.

"He is surrounded by Family who loves him. Be studious. Seek after knowledge and be a hard worker. Know God and turn to him in time of Good and Bad. Be worthy of Church Callings and to serve a full time mission. Life is good. Know God, and be Happy."

I loved KC's blessing so much. It was so beautiful and positive. I loved that he said Life is good. Life IS good, and there is so much that can bring us joy and happiness if we seek for it and I love that it was important for KC to tell his son that. It also made me think that Kc thinks his life is good, and that makes me happy because it means he is happy in his life with us. The joy in Kc's eyes when he is holding or interacting with his children is something there will never be words to describe. I am so grateful for my family.

The Friendly Fair Isle Sweater

It's been a bit since I blogged, life has been so busy. I'm in dire need of an Olive Update because that little one is changing so much everyday! For now let's just start with an update on my latest knitting project from PurlBee, the friendly fair isle sweater. 

I felt inspired to do this sweater because I loved the pattern. It looked simple with just the right amount of flair (which is how I am dressing myself mostly these days, simple baggy sweaters.) The chunky yarn was also a big selling point because I felt like besides from being comfy and cozy, it wouldn't take me too long to knit (which is always a bonus) and then I could learn new things about knitting sweaters on a faster time table (you know Mothers only have so much time!) 

Look at how beautiful this sweater is inside out! If it wasn't for my visible weave ins I would wear it like this... I might just anyways! (Any tips on more beautiful weave-ins? That is something I should definitely work on.)

Thoughts/Notes on the Sweater

I used the Malabrigo Chunky yarn to make this sweater. It was soft, and hand dyed yarns are always very beautiful. I had a good experience working with it. The pattern calls to use 8 skeins of yarn. I made the medium size, knitted it very tightly, and I only used 6. However, I was very close to using 7 so maybe buy all the yarn and just return the ones that you don't use to be safe (I've learned all these lessons the hard way.) As I mentioned I have this habit of knitting things very tightly. It's a blessing and a curse. When it comes to weaving in colors, it's a curse. I knitted the bottom pattern a little too tightly for my liking, so be weary of that when you are working in your colors to keep it loose, some of this can be remedied when you block after the sweater is finished. Which brings me to my next note, blocking. 

   

If your sweater does not have the perfect fit that you would like, don't worry! There is always blocking. When I completed this sweater the length of the body and arms was a little too short for my liking, and as I mentioned earlier I felt the color stitched area pulled in a little too tightly. I could not remedy the latter problem as much as I would have wanted to, but I was able to make this sweater have the perfect fit for me. The result will also vary based on the material used (synthetic yarn is difficult to block,) but in most cases this should do the trick. Get your material soaking wet. Then ring out the material as much as possible. Roll up your material in a towel and stamp out all excess water (sorry no picture.) Then stretch out your material to desired width. Sometimes it helps to pin the material (especially if you are blocking before you sew.) In my case it didn't make much of a difference. Let the material dry, and there you go! Your perfect sweater! 

P.S. It also really helps to have a cute little blocking partner close by

If you disappear for 5 minutes, she will find you. :) 

Knitting clothes can often be stressful because you have to worry about the fit (trust me I've had my full share of it,) but I would say I think that to date this is the item of clothing I've been the most satisfied with; it didn't take too long, it wasn't too tricky or stressful, and it was such a pretty pattern. I would say that even a beginner could knit this sweater. Don't shy away from anything that helps you learn and grow. 

Happy Knitting! 

My thoughts in Yoga Last night

After you have a baby everything halts and for a while it is kind of nice, but there comes a point where you start to yearn for some semblance of your old routine. Nothing quite puts the pieces back together like attending my yoga class. If I am lucky I get to attend a one hour class a couple nights a week and for that whole hour I feel completely at peace. It's this lovely feeling where my husband comes home and I have gotten everything ready so I can just walk out the door and not think about anything until I walk back through it again. 

There are many aspects of this whole process that make me feel strengthened. Aside from the obvious physical part it's a time when I try to push aside all judgment and really focus on things that matter. I mostly have thoughts on things I want improve on; things within my practice, but also as a mother, sister, wife, friend, and member of society. 

I try to think about my goals and aspirations, and I do so one breath at a time. Last night I found that many of my thoughts collected around something I read in a book a week or so ago. I've been trying to make small changes in my life because those are the ones that seem to be feasible and long lasting. One of those was to try to read while I'm nursing or rocking the baby instead of aimlessly searching for unwatched footage on Hulu. I don't always achieve this goal, but like I said it's the small steps I've taken in my life that have seemed to stick. Giving up things here and there until I don't need them anymore.

I used to be an avid reader but it's a past time that I find more difficult to balance these days. The period in your life where you just sit and rock that little baby to sleep is so fleeting, and so I may not read another book for some time because I am sure that quite soon I will chasing after a little crawler instead of rocking him. I saw an interview of Toni Morrison on the Colbert report (so some good things do come from browsing through the channels) and I was very stuck with her and some of the things she said, so I decided to read a book of hers. This is sending me way off topic because what I mean to say is that I was contemplating a quote from a book I had recently read that was written by her. The book (like all her books) was about the life experience of black women. The quote went something like this. 

"All of us-all who knew her-felt so wholesome after we cleaned ourselves on her. We were so beautiful when we stood astride her ugliness. Her simplicity decorated us, her guilt sanctified us, her pain made us glow with health, her awkwardness made us think we had a sense of humor... We honed our egos on her, padded our characters with her frailty, and yawned in the fantasy of our strength."

These words swirled in my mind as I contemplated the times when I had mentally derailed someone else in order to lift myself up when maybe what I should have done was reach out a helping hand. We all have our short comings and our insecurities, we wouldn't be human without them- but I think I realized that even my weaknesses can be used as strengths if I allow them to. When I'm not feeling my very  best it won't do me any good to find someone else who is doing worse and prop myself up with it. I can use that feeling to find others in the same self doubt and do what I can to help them feel that they are of worth. The previous sentiment is only superficial and can only last you so long, but I can imagine that the later will bring you much greater joy. 

These were some of my thoughts last night as I pondered on things that I could do better. Sometimes I just don't know how, but I hope that I can find a way. Too often I forget to write things down and then they are lost in the abyss that is every mother's mind- and so when I have those moments of peaceful clarity I am trying to find a way to keep them, to hold on long enough to spark a small change in my life. 
Because it's the small things, for  me anyways. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2014 was one of the best years of my life, and 2015 is looking real good from where I'm standing! Kc had Christmas Eve to January 1st off of work, and he was happy to just relax and stay home and so I was happy to take advantage of that :) We had a low key Christmas Eve with Kc's family, and a wonderful Christmas Day. I've made it a tradition to make breakfast at my house for the family. Last year was delicious crepes, and this year I tried buckwheat waffles that had to rise over night. They were so light and airy, which may not have been the best thing since you could eat like 5 without even blinking an eye! Since we were blessed with a white Christmas Kc spent some time outside trying to build a snowman with Olive (it was a struggle because it wasn't great packing snow.) We spent the rest of the afternoon at Kc's parent house and that evening we saw a movie together. Olive sat on Kc's lap and Elijah slept quietly in his car seat through the whole thing. We all went to bed that evening feeling pretty satisfied with the events of the day. The next night Kc and I went to dinner and a movie without the babes. Since those nights seem to be rare these days it was really special. I love that man so much.

On the following Monday I had decided that I wanted to take Olive skiing. I thought I would ski as well since it would be hard to help her on a snowboard. I used to ski when I was little, and while it had been awhile I thought it would be fun to give it a try again. Olive is not even two and a half so I figured if the skiing was a bust we could just play up in the snow for a bit. Sundance is only twenty minutes away and there was so much fresh powder I just couldn't find any excuse not to at least try it. My friend Jen had planned to come up with me but I lucked out because her husband decided to come along as well who used to be a professional skier, so we were all in very good hands! We started on a little hill just walking up and letting her slide down. She seemed to be getting the hang of it and she just loved it so we went straight for the chair lift! I knew that if Olive got frustrated or anything happened that Blake (Jen's husband) would just carry her the whole way down, but he didn't need to because Olive loved every second of it. It gives me the warmest feeling when I think about it. I was partially waiting for her to get frustrated but she just kept yelling awesome, hooray, and asking for more the whole way down. It was so fun. Kc came up after we made it down the mountain so that I could feed Elijah and send both the little rascals back home with him and do some runs with Jen and Blake. (I kind of lucked out on the best husband ever.) It was honestly the best day, and I might just have to start skiing now (and put that little Olive on a ski team!) 

New Years Eve was low key as well (as it is for most parents with infants and toddlers.) During the day we took Olive to the aquarium with my sister and her kids. They did a little ballon drop at noon, and while it was a little lame Olive seemed to like it. Mostly she loved seeing the sharks, penguins, turtles, and birds. That evening we invited my friend Stephanie and her husband over for pizza and just relaxed and talked while our little girls played. Although we ended the night around 9 because we wanted to put our girls to bed, it was still really fun. New Year's Day was spent with Kc's family. We went to Provo rec and played racquetball and took Olive swimming. She was quite adventurous in the water, it took me by surprise and once again reminded me how much she has grown in the past few months. She makes me so happy, she is so full of life and most always has a smile on her face. We missed dinner with the family because Olive fell asleep in the car and then when we brought her in the house she crawled into our bed and fell asleep again. Poor little cute thing was exhausted. It's been an adventurous week. 

I am not a big one for New Year's Resolutions, but I do like to make lots of goals for myself and the start of a new year is a good time to make some goals. I have lots of little things I am working towards, but I think the thing I want to focus on the most is to stop apologizing for myself. I've realized that as long as I am trying my very best (and most of the time I think I am) than I don't want to feel like I have to make excuses or feel bad about myself in the areas that I seem to always fall short. I will always keep trying to do better, but there is no need to live in a constant state of guilt when I've got so many wonderful other qualities to offer the world. So here's to being unapologetically who I am, and being ok with it.  

We lost the snowman's mouth :(

Yes all these pictures are necessary. Look how happy she is about her snowman and the pumpkin hat she found!

Lots of suspicious pictures like this on my phone lately... I think I know who the photographer may be.

Christmas Eve.

Christmas Morning. 

Olive stopped in the middle of opening her presents to read a couple books aloud to us.

The snowman attempt. 

Snow angels!!

Baby Elijah! 

That Beloved Snow Day. 

Too lazy/tired to put up the video of Olive skiing, but trust me it's adorable!