Allowing myself some liberties.
Bearing down on my 3rd trimester and things are starting to get real. I already knew being pregnant was hard, but I am learning that being pregnant and taking care of a toddler is harder. Harder than that is being pregnant, taking care of a toddler, and working.
Up til pretty recently I have chosen to ignore my pregnancy (in the sense of it being a crutch) and live my life as I would normally. Travel abroad, go surfing, kick up into handstands in yoga. But this growing belly of mine is slowing putting a halt on all that fun stuff, and I'm trying to get a grip on that. I fear that I often let my pride get in the way of just taking care of myself. With my last pregnancy I quit yoga around this time because I just couldn't handle going to class and not being able to do everything. I am trying to take a different approach this time and just tell myself that it's OK if I can't do everything while being 7 months pregnant, but these mind tricks are not working so far. I've lost my ability to hold a handstand for a bit now and today I was frustrated and angry and I just thought- let it go. I did one more kick and held my first handstand in what has felt like forever. It wasn't about my ability to hold or not hold this stupid non significant inversion, it was that I truly decided to let it go in that moment and not feel so much pressure on myself. I have decided to make this the theme of the rest of my pregnancy. (We'll see how well that goes.)
I am going through another bout of uncontrollable emotion. (I had one a couple months ago as well.) I'm not mean or impatient, just quick to judge myself over petty things and this results in a good cry session over a fudge bar on my back stoop. I will also cry if any one shows any sort of emotion, or emotional videos, or gives me any adjustment in yoga. I most certainly did cry in shavasana today after the instructor massaged my feet. No joke. My whole point of this is, pregnancy is hard on women. We are freaking making other humans, jeez! And those humans take all our necessary vitamins from us, and kick us, and makes us have to pee all the time, and just release all kinds of hormones into our system. And it's OK if that affects us. It's OK if that affects me. Today I am accepting that I'm human, I'm flawed, and I'm not invincible to the effects of pregnancy. OK? OK.
These Photos were taken by the talented Bill Carlson. I will post more from this shoot in the near future.
If you are ever in Hawaii and need a photographer you must call him!
WilliamScottCarlson.com
Holy cow Sadie that first picture of you is INCREDIBLE. Wow, they all are actually but that first picture is seriously taking my breath away, this photographer is amazing. I love reading your thoughts on this by the way, you amaze me. I'd told you that before but you truly do. I can't believe you're already in your 3rd trimester.
ReplyDeleteBy the way you're last post about Hawaii, it really touched me and I wanted to tell you that. Thanks Sadie for saying such sweet things, it made me feel really good.
Haylee your words are always so kind, and always appreciated.
Deletebeautiful pictures!!!! I love what you post. Pregnancy....it is something no one can ever understand until you go thru it and then yours can be so unique yet the same as everyone. It is something that is so amazing to me....creating a soul and yet so so hard. I love to hear what other ladies say about pregnancy because it is so different for each person I think. I loved it and hated it. You are doing great. I still can't believe the headstand on the surfboard at what 5 months?
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